Farmacetia at Pendennis Castle

It was the first days of the holidays in Falmouth and had been a long car journey. Jaz had promised to get away from her annoying little brother and take herself for a run and explore around the castle. She was now on the steep bit up the side of the Castle. Only a few more minutes and I’ll be at the top she thought, trying to ignore a pain in her right foot.

As she approached the top of the hill, she heard a fluttering noise behind her and then almost fell over as something flew over her left shoulder with a loud screeching noise. Whatever it was bounced off the grass at the side of the road and into a hedge.

“Oh dear, oh dear. Not my best landing but not my worse by far” said a soft, familiar voice with more than a bit of a giggle to it which seemed to come from underneath a bundle of rags that had embedded themselves in the hedge.

It moved and Jaz found herself face to face with an old friend. She had light green skin. She had bright red spots on her chin and forehead. She had hair that managed to look blond, red and green all at the same time. And a big nose, slightly bent to the left. But still a very pretty face that you would judge belonged to lady in about her thirtieth year. The face grinned as the bundle of rags reorganised themselves into a tall person in a long reddish-brown coat that had seen better days - many of them.

“Hello Jaz my love. How are you? Long-time no see.”

“Hello Farmacetia, it is good to see you. Yes, it’s been a while since we last met. I’m fine. How are you?” said Jaz trying to catch her breath from the run and the surprise of the meeting.

“That’s good” said Farmacetia “You are looking well and I see still running. I used to like watching you run round the field in Wootton-Under-Edge.”

Jaz nodded.

“I thought it was time I caught up with you”.

They sat on the grass for a while to allow Jaz to catch her breath and then walked up to the castle gate together.

At the ticket office Farmacetia waved an old spotted red handkerchief at the lady on the entrance desk. The lady’s handheld scanner bleeped as she pointed it at the rather disreputable rag and the lady gave Farmacetia two tickets and a guide book and pointed the way into the Castle grounds.

“Very useful this” said Farmacetia putting the handkerchief away with a giggle, “honorary life membership of any organisation you care to mention”.

Jaz was used to Farmacetia and this bad behaviour did not surprise her in the least.

They walked out of the ticket office and along the path leading to the little fort within the castle walls. “Build by Henry vee one one one” said Farmacetia, “from 1539 to 1545 when England was threatened by attacks from Spain. Henry had annoyed a lot of people when he divorced Catherine of Aragon, his first wife. You know that after 24 years of marriage she had failed to give Henry a baby boy to inherit the kingdom. To force the divorce against the will of the pope Henry broke with the Catholic Church claiming supremacy over religious matters. That really annoyed the pope who was much more powerful then than the current pope. The Holy Roman Emperor, who ruled a lot of Europe, was also annoyed and felt personally insulted because Catherine was his Aunty. Upsetting them both and initiating a religious dispute wasn’t the cleverest thing to do. At the time it looked pretty likely that England would be invaded by one European power or another, possibly several. So, these forts were built at Henry’s command.

“Pendennis, along with St Mawes over there, protected the River Fal. This would have been a good place for foreign ships to sail to land an invading army”. As they walked into the little fort Farmacetia added that there were about 100 men in it at its peak and its round shape allowed it to point its cannon in any direction. “This square bit wasn’t here in Henry’s days, then it was just the round bit”.

They found a cannon pointing out to sea. “I wonder what it was like in here when they fired it?” said Farmacetia “It’s a bronze muzzle loading cannon. Hmm, we are going to need four men; A captain, A master gunner and two gunner’s mates”. At that Farmacetia put two fingers from her left hand into her mouth and issued the loudest whistle Jaz could remember hearing.

There were footsteps outside. Four men came running in. Three of them were wearing trousers and smocks tided to the waist with leather straps the fourth had the trousers but was topless. Jaz looked on amazed as two of the men grabbed the ropes on the cannon and pulled it into the room.

One of them pushed what looked like a cloth bag into the cannon followed by rope knotted around some canvas. “That’s a flannel cartridge containing gunpowder and a wad to hold it in place” whispered Farmacetia.

The second man pushed the two things deep into the cannon using a long rod with a padded end. “That’s ramming, that is” said Farmacetia, “he’s the Rammer and that’s his ram rod”.

The third man seemed to poke a piece of wire into a hole at the inside end of the cannon. “Cleaning the little touch hole and piercing the bag of gun powder” explained her guide.

A cannon ball and another wad were put in the end of the cannon and rammed home. Then the first two men hauled on the ropes again to drive the cannon out of the port hole facing the sea.

The Captain then supervised the aiming of the cannon with the men pulling on ropes to move it left and right and by lifting the end with crowbars and putting wooden wedges under it. Farmacetia pointed to the fourth member of the team who was pouring some powder into the hole at the inside end. “That’s priming power, a mixture of fine gun powder and spirit of wine going into the touch hole. It’ll take the fire from outside into the cartridge and then Boom!”

When all was ready the Captain took one more look at where the gun was pointing. At this point Farmacetia nudged Jaz and pressed her hands over her ears grinning. Jaz did the same just as the Captain yelled “Fire” and pulled a rope releasing the firing mechanism. There was a small flash in the pan over the touch hole and then a pause.

There was then a very bright flash, a very loud bang that seemed to squash Jaz’s ears into her skull and reverberate through the room forever. The gun leap back into the room, prevented from going too far by strong ropes tided to iron rings pinned to the floor. Jaz felt the room and her bones shaking. The room was filled with smoke.

Jaz was choking in the smoke, her ears were ringing and her eyes could still see nothing but the flash.

The team were back in action. The touch hole was closed, a wet sheepskin wad was used to clean out the barrel and ensure that there was no burning powder left in it and the sequence was started again.

Suddenly the room was quiet, the air was clear and there was no sign of the gun crew, nor any sign that they had ever been there.

“That was fun”, chortled Farmacetia, “They should be able to do that every three minutes or so. Now. Didn’t you promise me a proper cream tea?”

“Okay”, said Jaz “Good idea. But you keep that handkerchief in your pocket and behave yourself. I don’t want to get banned from here just yet”.

Note: You can visit the real Pendennis Castle which is managed by English Heritage (Link to castle web-site here).

Copyright Keith Pearce 2024